Hurricane

Hurricane

In the fallout now
It's hard to feel like we can turn around
With the damage done
It's hard to see how far we've come
We could not be proud
Of where our feet have walked along the ground
In the silence now
We play it back and forwards again

There's a sound in our guiltiness
It's a warning bell that rings
It's a call for our loneliness
And we can't see

We roll the dice we play like fools
We plead with time to change the rules
It's like a hurricane is coming our way
We've all been warned but we still chose to stay

I can't believe it now the time has come

Play the victim here
You know it's nothing but your pride and fear
But the more you hurt
The more you love the one you were

There's a sound in our guiltiness
It's a warning bell that rings
It's a call for our loneliness
And we can't see

We roll the dice we play like fools
We plead with time to change the rules
It's like a hurricane is coming our way
We've all been warned but we still chose to stay

I can't believe it now the time has come

In the light of the morning
Can we change what we felt and heard
Can we turn it into the glory
Break the paths of our fathers before us
Though we stand on the outside
We will find what we once believed
And will crawl our way to the clear skies
Standing up we are
Standing up we are

We roll the dice we play like fools
We plead with time to change the tules
It's like a hurricane is coming our way
We've all been warned but we still chose to stay

I can't believe it now the time has come

by Needtobreathe

Stand in the Rain

Stand in the Rain

She never slows down.
She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone, feels like it's all coming down
She won't turn around
The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain

She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she's running from wants to give up and lie down.

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
Stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, what's lost can be found

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain

by SuperChick

Healing Begins

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear

So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

By: Tenth Avenue North

A Psalm For My Broken Heart

"He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds"

Psalm 147:3

A Psalm For My Broken Heart

How could You love me? How could You forgive me? I have hated You. I have shunned You. I have sinned against You. I have run as far as I could. I have created misery, a spiraling abyss, to get away from You. I have fallen; I am broken; I am beaten; I am bleeding; I am weeping; all from my well crafted plans. Why would You rescue me? Why would You tend to my self-mutilation? Because You are Him. Your love is unfailing. You answer prayers that are drenched in tears. You have waited patiently for my call and You have answered. You have halted the spinning black hole. You have lifted me up. With a touch, I am healed of the devastation I have created. How could I have forgotten who You are? You are The Healer, The Protector, The Savior, and My Love I will cling to You all the days I walk the earth. Until Your promise is fulfilled and there on after, I will never let go.

I wish I could explain how my heart felt when I wrote this poem so you could understand how great our God is. I have been and continue to be redeemed. I am so thankful for what God has done in my life since I wrote this. God is faithful. He loves you. Don't give up on Him. He will bring you out of the depths of the most broken of hearts. Call out to Him. He is waiting.

Broken

Today I was reminded again of how much alike we are than we are different.
Divinely intertwined, we have all suffered from the fall
and are in constant need of our Redeemer.
Whether it be a difficult financial situation, a broken heart, or just a rough day...
He is writing the story of your redemption if you let Him.
Put it in the hands of the Ultimate Storyteller.

Broken

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain is the healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hangin' on to the words you say
You said that I will, will be ok

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, having forgot my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain is there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on

Almost Twenty Three

I just re-discovered my blog. This happens about once a year. I always enjoy it so that I can reflect on who I was and who I am today. The last time I wrote I was 21, still working on my undergrad, 3o pounds overweight, doing everything so my future would be set and not very content with my life. It is amazing to me the story of my life that God has written between that time and now.

Between then and now I...

Dated someone

Built a little family with amazing people

Backslid horribly

Have seen the wages of sin

Moved in with my best friend in an apartment where our boyfriends live in the one below us

Got a grown-up job

Realized how much I don't want to work at an office job for the rest of my life

Broke up with that someone

Graduated college

Went through the hardest time probably in my entire life

Have drawn closer to God than I ever have

Began to learn what it truly means to give it all to Him

Witnessed what faith and prayer can do

Rekindled some pretty amazing friendships

Been blessed with amazing new friendships

Ran a 6K

Lost 33 pounds

Got accepted into grad school at Reformed Theological Seminary for my Masters in Counseling

Been provided a live-in nanny job where I do not have to pay rent

Continue to be redeemed by my Savior

Continue to seek his face every day.

My life is no where near where I thought it would be today. Praise God for that. Everyday is a battle with ups and downs. Everyday it is essential that I cry out to Jesus and trust him to continue redeeming me.

Thank You God for where you have brought me and where you are going to take me.

"Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again." -Psalm 71:20-22

The Finals Week Blues

I always get this way around finals.  Completely bummed and not able to bring to the surface any desire to do ANYTHING.  I get completely overwhelmed by any and every thing.  It's not that I am sad that another semester is so to be past, it's that it can not be finished soon enough.  I want to go home so badly right now.  I don't want to study Spanish anymore.  I gave up on trying to get an "A" in Research Methods.  My Abnormal Psychology class is a joke.  I am a senior in college.  This blows.  Isn't college supposed to be the best time of your life?  I am constantly swamped with paving my way to the future while my present is spent in constant anxiety and irritation.  I have no tolerance for things that I think are a waste of my time.  Due to that, this semester has been horrible to barrel through.  I want to be a Mental Health Counselor and I chose a university that only offers ONE undergraduate class in that area.  Ugh.  I don't want to do research.  I have no interest and no talent what so ever in that area and yet I am forced to take two classes in which I have done well in both but could not tell you a thing I have learned.  What a waste of time and money.  I am twenty one years old.  I should be at my prime.  Instead,  I am thirty pounds over weight, constantly stressed out, and not having fun at all.  I am doing what I am suppose to be doing.  I'm not getting in trouble.  I am on a path to success.  Why does this suck so bad?  Will it get better once I graduate or will that then be even worse?  I always look down on those who choose not to go to college and are seemingly doing nothing with their lives but could they be right?  Living life to the fullest right now?  Or is that even life to the fullest?  Temporary highs and living at home with their parents?  Ugh.  I just want to be doing what I want to be doing with my life.  Taking classes about things that I care about with GOOD professors.  Not ones who tell you you don't need to buy the book and "lecture" off of a Word document.  This semester seems like a rip off.  One more stinkin' week.

This is such a negative post.

I am grateful to be in college.  I am grateful for the great friends that I have made here.  I am grateful for my amazing church and the awesome people in it.

I just feel like I am in a rut.  That is why I moved away from home, because I felt like I was in a rut.  Now I'm in another one.  

I really miss theatre.  I acted in a student film project these past couple of weeks.  It was really tiring and tedious but it was so much fun.  I really miss being around theatrically creative people.

Ugh.

Two semesters until graduation.  I can do this.